Sub"cu-ta'ne-ous: adj. "Beneath the skin."

No one on this earth annoys me more than that subcutaneous whore Kathy Griffin.

Ac'ri-mo"ny: n. "Bitterness of temper or expression."

I have never held more acrimony for television programmers than the day I found out Ally McBeal got cancelled. (That is sarcasm, by the way.)

Rec'on-dite": adj. "Hard to understand; deep in meaning."

Vin Diesel is one of the most recondite "actors" in Hollywood history. Minus the deep in meaning part. Yeah, he's an idiot.

Gri-mal'kin: n. "1) A cat, esp. an old female; 2) An ill-tempered old woman."

Though most thought of her as a grimalkin, I found my high school physics teacher, Mrs. Foos, to be the most tender lover I'd ever had.

Ca-pit'u-late": v.i. "Surrender on stipulated terms."

After seeing the compromising nude photos of herself during her wild and crazy college days, Oprah Winfrey had to capitulate to her blackmailer - Steve Buscemi - and give him $100 million.

Be-at'i-fy": v.t. "Make supremely happy."

My girlfriend Heidi Klum knows exactly how to beatify me, and I'll give you a hint: it has something to do with whipped cream, some ice cubes and a nine-iron.

In-scru'ta-ble: adj. "Not to be read by scrutiny or investigation; unfathomable; incomprehensable."

The other day, one of my friends told me that Santa Claus isn't real. This idea is completely inscrutable to me.

Vo-cif'er-ous: adj. "Exclaiming; clamorous, noisy."

Good Charlotte seems to be all of the above: exclaiming, clamorous and noisy. This leads me to believe that being vociferous is a bad thing and that Good Charlotte should do everyone a favor and pull a John Denver.

Mi-sog'y-ny: n. "Hatred of women."

I finally realized what this feeling I have towards those of the double-X chromosome persuasion is called: misogyny.

As"cer-tain': v.t. "Find out by examination; determine."

After viewing about ten seconds' worth of Taxi, it is easy to ascertain that Jimmy Fallon is, in fact, a jackass.

Su'i Gen'e-ris: (Latin) adj. "One of a kind; unique."

ex. It seems like everyone plays poker these days. If you do, you're about as sui generis as a Paris Hilton venerial disease.