The word of the day is designed to broaden our grammatical horizons. Nothing is more impressive than casually spouting off 5-syllable masterpieces in mid-sentence – except maybe really big boobs… Anyway, every day I’ll post a new word for you to work into daily conversation so that you can wow friends, dazzle coworkers and confuse blonde girls and frat guys, because learning is fun and knowing is half the battle. |
E-met'ic: n. "A medicine to induce vomiting."
I'm pretty sure she's not licensed by the Food & Drug Administration, but America's finest example of an emetic is clearly Anna Nicole Smith. If you can stand watching her be alive for more than 18 consecutive seconds, you deserve a medal. Or a swift kick in the groin.
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Re-ful'gence: n. "Brilliant light; splendor."
In the weeks leading up to spring break, it's easy to tell who the sorostitutes are on campus. They're the ones who prepare for their trips by fake-baking the funk out of their skin and basking in the refulgence that is their pumpkiny-orange glow.
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Ver-bose': adj. "Using more words than are necessary."
When attempting to adequately ascertain the quintessential definition of verbose, it is forthright to delve into the plight with utmost detail rather than make an egregious error.
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Brag"ga-do'ci-o": n. "Vain boasting.
Pretty much everything that comes out of Joe Theismann's mouth can be written off as total braggadocio.
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Com-pen'di-um: n. "A summary."
The following is a compendium of Sean "P Diddy" Combs' contributions to society:____________________________________
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Tor-to'ni: n. "A rich Italian ice cream with fruit and nuts."
I realized that tortoni can accurately be personified using famous Italian people in Hollywood. Leonardo DiCaprio is the fruit and Roberto Benigni is nuts. I'm not sure where the ice cream comes into play, but whatever.
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Mi'lo: n. "A milletlike sorghum grown in the U.S. for forage."
To figure out what a milo is, first you must determine what the funk a sorghum is. Then, apparently you've got to relate it to a millet. And I just thought Milo was that cute talking kitty that starred in the movie with his pug-buddy Otis.
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Por'phy-ry: n. "A hard, purplish-red rock embedded with crystals."
Man, a porphyry sounds an awful lot like my penis. Except for the crystals part. But come to think of it, that would be wicked sweet.
Note: I think the Word of the Day has slowly become "how many definitions can Rob find in the dictionary that somewhat resemble his penis." Sorry.
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Neb'u-lous: adj. "Indistinct; vague; confused."
Nebulous pretty much describes every one of Keanu Reeves' cinematic performances ever. It also describes the feeling I had when I accidentally signed up for women's studies.
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Dread'nougt": n. "A powerful battleship."
Dreadnought... (please don't make a reference to my penis, please don't make a reference to my penis, please don't make a reference to my penis). Kinda reminds me of my penis. Nuts.
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Sin'u-ous: adj. "1. Full of curves; 2. Devious."
Taking into account those two definitions for sinuous, I've come to one conclusion: Never trust large-breasted women.
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Ag-gran'dize: v.t. "Make greater in power, wealth, or rank."
If the children of America have learned anything in the last five years, then they have learned that the fastest, cheapest and best way to aggrandize themselves is to simply release their sex-tape on the internet. As in R. Kelly's case, the participants in said sex acts need not be anywhere near legal age. Go out and become famous kids!
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